Wishing you were somehow here...

You were once my one companion;

You were all that mattered.

You were once my friend and father...

Then my world was shattered.

Wishing you were somehow here again,

Wishing you were somehow near;

Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed

Somehow you would be here.

Wishing I could hear your voice again,

Knowing that I never would.

Dreaming of you won't help me to do

All that you dreamed I could!

Passing bells and sculpted angels, 

Cold and monumental,

Seem for you the wrong companions:

You were warm and gentle.

Too many years fighting back tears.

Why can't the past just die?

Wishing you were somehow here again,

Knowing we must say "Goodbye."

Try to forgive, teach me to live,

Give me the strength to try!

No more memories, no more silent tears,

No more gazing across the wasted years.

Help me say "Goodbye."

Help me say "Goodbye."

Dear Dad,

It's so hard to believe that 1 year without you has already faded into the past.  One moment it seems like everything just happened yesterday or last week: the pain and memories are still so fresh and clear.  But the next moment it feels as if you have been gone for far longer.  So many things have happened since you left this flawed world.  Yes, I have often selfishly wished that you were still here instead.  How much I would love to be making more memories together to add to the numerous memories I have now.
The song Wishing You were Somehow Here Again has reminded me a lot of you in the past few months.  These have been months of holding back tears and wishing that the goodbye did not have to come so quickly.  And yet I am rejoicing because I am not left without hope.  We serve such a good and loving God!  (And you already get to be in His presence!)
One year ago today God gave the answer to all my pleas, and it was "no."  Although it shattered me, that answer taught me that God is no machine.  He knows what it takes to bring us to the right place, and that means we don't always get what we want.  Maybe life without you does not promise to be easy, but God is indeed sovereign.  I know that this is pressing me closer to Him to hold me up.  May this teach me to adjust my desires to want Him the most, even when the price is high.

For I know that my Redeemer lives,

And He shall stand at last on the earth;

And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,

That in my flesh I shall see God.  (Job 19:25, 26)

Well, I have nothing profound or unusual to say.  But not a day goes by when I do not think of you.  There have been so many times when I have wished for your word of advice, wisdom, or encouragement.  And I miss and love you more all the time.  I am always grateful for your influence in my life and the way God used you in so many ways to help me grow in Him.

So much love,

Sharon Mercy