Word of the year

Do you know about the trend that has been going around for a few years in which people choose a primary focus word for the year in place of a list of resolutions?  A few years ago I was like “yeah, that seems solid.  I should do that.”  So I agonized over what word to pick and finally half-heartedly landed on one.  Within a few weeks I knew that the word I had chosen was not really in my heart.  I threw it out and decided that the word thing wasn’t for me.

At the close of 2018, a fleeting thought of “should I try that again?” resurfaced.  I shot it down pretty quickly with reminders of how that had gone in the past.  So I sketched out a few basic and “easy” goals for the new year and felt pretty prepared.  Then, about two days into 2019, I sensed a word placed on my mind: SATISFIED.

The conversation in my head was something like this:

Good word, but I already decided I’m not doing that thing again.

But did you know that you need to be satisfied in this area?

Stop.  It’s such a trendy idea anyway.  I don’t like trendy.

I’ve seen your remodeling preferences.  You like trendy.

And then a few minutes later… Ok, you’re right.  I need that word this year.

Once I thought over it for a few minutes, I realized that satisfied was exactly what I needed.  I needed to learn how to be satisfied in the way that God has and is writing my personal story; to be satisfied with the people who are in my life; to be satisfied in my past, present, and future; to be satisfied in who I am now as well as who I will be later, with space and grace in between for growing.  And this time the word was planted in my heart.  The word even invaded my passwords so that it could be before me as a reminder whenever possible.  Even still, I realize that a whole year has passed, and I have certainly not conquered a satisfied outlook on life.  But I feel as though this year of focus on satisfaction has allowed for the beginning of an ongoing journey. 

Photo credit: Kami Couch @ kamicouch.com

A couple months later, I did a doubletake and noticed that a second word was consistently recurring in my thoughts and even influencing my decisions.  You know, God is tricky to sneak not one but TWO words into my year.  The second word—INTENTIONAL—was just as deeply placed on my heart.  Things like reaching out to people, actively investing in friends and family, serving my nieces and nephews, and creating a healthy lifestyle are not things that just happen.  Sometimes it’s for lack of desire and sometimes it is for lack of time.  That’s why being intentional is so, so important and necessary.  Again, this past year of focusing on being intentional is not a completed journey, but I have taken the initial steps so that I can continue allowing this word to impact my life.

(By the way, I rapidly failed all of my more specific goals for 2019 and never ended up picking them up again.)

While I want to continue developing “satisfied” and “intentional,” God has already given me a new word for 2020!  I am excited that He is the one taking the initiative on this because that is what really causes the success in the end. 

I’ve obviously changed my mind on the whole “word for the year” thing.  It actually is a cool idea, even if it is trendy.  But my caution to you is not to pick a word yourself.  In a sense, let the word pick you.  Rather than stressing over locating the perfect word, wait until something is placed deep enough to stay planted all year…and then for the rest of your life.

A reconstructing; a "do not fear"

I got my diploma for my AA in psychology a couple months ago, and it felt like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I know; it’s just an associate degree, which is almost as common as turkey on Thanksgiving.  But to me it represents a whole lot more than just 2 years of university courses.  It is a tangible representation of major overcoming and redirection in my life.

When I started college, I was certain that God was leading me in that direction, but there were so many factors opposing the idea.  At that point, I hated school, I had no idea what a “syllabus” was, I felt extremely insecure about my academic abilities, and I didn’t even know the complete picture of the costs involved.  College was literally one of my worst fears.  Then, as I walked through this door to the entrance of undertaking my fears, I was thrown through another washer cycle of grief.  I also discovered that I didn’t really know at all of what direction I wanted to go with my life, and I didn’t sense a passion for…anything.  I felt like my life had been torn to irreparable shreds.  It was not a pretty time, and I almost dropped out of college on multiple occasions. 

Today I love being a college student, I recover from syllabus shock within 2 days, and I feel passionate about the direction I am going academically.  The fear that I feel with each coming semester, with the prospect of having two more degrees to go before I reach my goals, with the costs involved to reach such goals is a healthy sort of fear that I can keep in its place and that I can couple with an appropriate dose of confidence.  The downpour of heartbreak I experienced taught me how to process grief better and how to give myself space as I continue to live a life sprinkled with hurt.  The passion I feel for what I’m pursuing allows me to approach the future God is preparing for me with enthusiasm rather than dread.

So what happened?  Why the switch from one extreme to another?  I have two explanations, both of which merged together in bringing about the change.  First, I believe God saw a need for major reconstruction in my life, which probably would have happened at some point regardless of the choices I made, and the only way for that to happen was for me to become fully broken.  I thought I had been broken before, but it turned out that I could break even farther.  Left in a million pieces, no number of king’s horsemen could put me back together.  It had to be God, and He did.  Slowly, slowly I was put back together—still the same person, yes…but also no.

The second explanation is that I started listening to God’s voice saying, “Do not fear.”  In most of the angel appearances recorded around the Christmas story in the Bible, the angel arrives with news that is really scary yet exciting.  The news will radically change the individuals’ futures, and it might feel like a breaking and reconstructing. 

But first, the angel declares “do not fear!”  Normally (and with good reason), we interpret that phrase as necessary because of the suddenness and the brilliance involved with the angel showing up.  But maybe—just maybe—the angel is also referring to the fear that might threaten to well up when life is about to turn upside down.

What I’ve discovered in the process of earning my AA is that God is right there in the midst of whatever He calls me to do; and He is telling me “do not fear” because He has a pretty good handle on whatever is going to happen next, even if it is a labyrinth that I didn’t plan on taking.  Through the scary and the unknown and the exciting all at once, God shows up and says, “Do not fear; I’ve got this.”  So these past two years of painful reconstructing have taught me to follow His calling and submit even when I can't see the full picture because He’s present and He’s got a heart that loves me.  I just have to listen.  

Oh, and that Love--it's better than anything we've ever experienced or even imagined.

What's that on the ground?

It's what's left of my heart

Somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces

And planted the shards

And they're coming up green

And they're coming in bloom

I can hardly believe this is all coming true

Just as I am and just as I was

Just as I will be He loves me, He does

He showed me the day that

He shed His own blood

He loves me, oh He loves me, He does

All of my life I've held on to this fear

These thistles and vines ensnare and entwine

What flowers appeared

It's the fear that I'll fall one too many times

It's the fear that His love is no better than mine

(But He tells me that)

Just as I am and just as I was

Just as I will be He loves me, He does

He showed me the day that

He shed His own blood

He loves me, oh He loves me, He does

He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does

Well it's time now to harvest what little that grew

This man they call Jesus, who planted the seeds

Has come for the fruit

And the best that I've got isn't nearly enough

He's glad for the crop, but it's me that He loves

~Andrew Peterson, Just As I Am

When failing...be kind to yourself

January 1, 2019
I'd like to make note that I have mastered how to effectively establish yearly goals. I'm just going to have to perfect my goal setting strategies this year. Happy New Year, Self!

Yeah, I can change my lifestyle in this area...and this one and this one.  I'm going to be an amazing, well-rounded person by the end of the year with goals like these!

April 3, 2019
I'd like to make note that I have failed every single one of my 2019 goals...with ongoing consistent failure for the past several weeks.  

...............................

Hi, guys!  So I've been absent for awhile, which was actually a direct violation of one of my goals for this year, but I'm back...and maybe I'll stay. 😉

Just like most everyone else, I fail more than half of my well-meaning goals within a few months (at the longest) and then realize it's gonna be another bleak year without focused personal growth.  Well, now it's September.  I've had enough time in 2019 to see the pattern repeating once again.  I've failed every goal I made as well as every goal I was too scared to make "official."

Whether with goals or with something else, I tend to take failure pretty seriously.  For a long time failure has led to conclusions like "you're not good enough," "stop trying," and "being a failure is your theme song." But I'm learning to be ok with failure because it can be so healthy for the journey of becoming a better person.  This year, when I saw my goals all make a quick dive for the worse, I decided that I wanted failure to teach me different lessons...lessons like

• Maybe God wants my goals to be different than the ones I initially make
• Adapting to my mental/emotional/physical needs as they change throughout the year rather than forcing myself to stick with an old plan is ok
• Finding grace for myself is an absolute necessity.

For many years I have had a couple of special friends frequently speak GRACE into my life.  As a very goal-oriented, organized person, it can be really hard for me to let go of expectations...especially when it comes to expectations of myself.  And because I don't have grace for myself to make mistakes and fail, it then becomes difficult for me to accept God's grace for those same mistakes and failures.  I waste a lot of time in life fighting an enemy that I need to learn to love: myself.

So while all of my other goals for 2019 are withering away, I am trying to adopt one of God's goals for me: learning to be kind to myself.  And I'm grateful that God loves me just the way that I am.  Wow.  A reality more beautiful than clear lakes and rising mountaintops, more beautiful than color-swept skies at sunset is that a perfect God loves ME just the way that I am.


You got all that emotion that's heaving like an ocean
And you're drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

I know it's hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can't believe your Father knows best

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He's shaping your heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

How does it end when the war that you're in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

You can't expect to be perfect
It's a fight you've gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too
- Andrew Peterson, Be Kind To Yourself

Worthy imitation

I jotted down a few sentences.
I erased.
I read (and attempted to analyze) someone else's blog.

I scribbled down some more words.
Made adjustments.
No.
Erased again.
Analyzed another blog.
.................................

As someone who really likes being relational and enjoys observing other people's writing styles, I regularly check in on multiple different blogs in a wide range of styles and purposes.  Honestly, I don't even know all of the blog authors that I read, yet I still enjoy reading what they have to say...and, most of all, how they say it.

I find it captivating that a personality can be so evident through word usage and even punctuation or emphases.  I am fascinated by the way that each individual arranges words and puts two very different pictures together to create a strangely relate-able concept or the way that a person can so accurately put to words a feeling that pulls on my heart, too, so that I want to say "that's what I've been wanting to communicate all along."  The words and ideas flow in perfect and unique smoothness, like a river of chocolate for the mind to drink up.

But sometimes I want to drink up their writing for the wrong reason: I want my writing style to become a flawless reflection of their writing style.  (I have no problem with studying other talented writers for the sake of self-improvement, but it isn't healthy when done in an obsessive way that searches for how to imitate without plagiarizing!)
I look at my own general attempt at writing and my blog and grow frustrated with myself.  I can think creatively and outside-the-boxy and I can even be funny sometimes, but it seems like my fingers, my pen, my computer keys can't be any of those things.

When I read my writing, it doesn't sound like the writers I admire.  My thoughts can't seem to be translated into written sentences in the way that I hear them in my head.  I know every piece of the struggle behind writing for myself, and I hate it.  I hate that writing comes to me so slowly and painfully when it used to be an extension of myself as a kid.  I hate that my writing--and the process itself--is filled with flaws, when it's really a work in progress for everyone.  We are just all at different stages.

In reality, I want my writing to become someone else's writing instead.

And it's not just writing.  I have a tendency, like many, many of us do, to make comparisons in numerous areas of my life.  I want to look like someone else, talk like someone else, and have brains like someone else.  I tell myself that being me isn't good enough.  It's not cutting the cake.  So life becomes a cycle of trying.  Trying harder to resemble whatever I am not.  And I'm wasting my time trying to resemble the wrong people and things.

Paul tells us "Be imitators of GOD," but when I view the world I habitually tell myself "be an imitator of her style, of his writing, of those passionate people."  All the while I forget that I'm wasting my time by not doing what God instructed in Ephesians.
What would life look like if I started spending that mental time figuring out how to imitate God as accurately as possible?  I bet it would be freeing.  It would be rewarding.  It would be a fulfillment of the highest calling that is offered.

Let's answer the higher calling together.  Imitate Christ's truly perfect example.

(Other resources: highly recommend my friend's blog, particularly her post on comparison)

Showing up with a secret message

Ever feel like God isn't listening?  Or like asking for something that sounds awfully close to impossible is just a waste of time?  Ever feel like giving up on trusting God to come through?  Like what you asked for or needed wasn't realistic anyway?  Like maybe amazing things happened in the Bible, but not for you?

..........................................

Over here in Washington state, snow is a rare and beautiful thing (well, beautiful to most of us).  Maybe it's the Alaskan in me (where I was born) or maybe it's just the kid in me, but I am a big fan of the snow.  Every winter my family and I enter and endure the season with high hopes that it will snow at least once.  I'm always down for having the snow around and urging it to stay as long as possible.  Winter sports are among our favorites - skiing, snowboarding, sledding - and we will do these activities in any kinds of conditions as long as there is snow of some degree on the ground.

But I didn't even bother hoping for snow this year.

Back in November I looked ahead at the weather.  It wasn't promising, so I decided early on to not waste time hoping for snow.  Like many years in the past, my hopes would be high only to come crashing down when I was finally willing to admit that spring had really arrived.  

I don't think I released my hopefulness as entirely as I intended to, though.  January tends to be our coldest, stormiest month.  If it doesn't snow by the end of January, we're pretty well sunk in that department.  January of 2019 passed by with strange mixes of temperatures and even a disappointing lack of rain.  I resigned myself to the early onset of spring with a tinge of disappointment.

Then the first week of February brought with it wild and suspicious predictions for snow.  (That is, "wild" for where I live.)  Being the proficient pessimist that I am, I responded to these reports with "well, that's not really gonna happen."  After all, I had to stay true to my commitment to not get my hopes up.

Driving through snow actually does look like flying through space...

The first and then second day of the snow storm dates came and went.  We did get snow, but it amounted to less than an inch.  

Me: typical Washington report.  People are freaking out over a snowflake on the road.  So much for that "storm."  The pessimist in me was 100% active, voicing probabilities of rain starting any day now and washing away our faint dream.  I inwardly glared at myself for beginning to hope for a measurable snowfall when it started sticking to the ground.  I wasn't going to do that this year!

BAM. (Or, rather, the silent, white snowfall version of "bam.")  Two days later I was out sledding with neighbors in the deepest snow that has ever surrounded my own home.  I've seen snow like that on mountain passes and ski resorts, but it was quite a new marvel to have almost 2 feet of snow in Washington at my own house.  

That's when the message came through.  God used the snow to tell me that He wants to surprise me with His best when I least expect it.

God seems to work on a totally different timeline than I do.  For a person who revels in being on top of things and ahead of schedule, I can get pretty easily frustrated with God's "last minute" answers.  I say, "God, I really need You to come through, like, a week ago."  Or I begin to settle for something a little less because maybe my request was too big anyway.

This time...well, this time I have to agree that God's secret message to me was very timely.  I needed Him to tell me that He's going to give me His best.  I needed to be reminded that, though my deadline may have passed, He's going to show up on schedule according to His sovereignty with exactly what I need.  I needed to remember that, whatever waiting I go through for provision in housing, finances, or other decisions, is not going to end in "return to sender."  It's going to come to a climax with the best surprise God can think of.

Whatever you may be praying for or waiting on, keep hanging in there.  He's listening to you and caring for you just like He did for our Biblical heroes.  Keep trusting because He's going to show up with a marvelously fitting answer.

A week later, the rain is still valiantly attempting to wash away the snow with very slow progress.  (I have to say that having no expectations for snow sure makes it a whole lot more fun when it does show up.)  I was definitely ok with being home-bound for 6 days, stomping around in snow up to my knees.  And I'm always ok with God sending me secret messages in unique forms, too.

Notes from a single

I seem to be suffering from a serious case of "blog about topics I never intended to blog on."  Maybe I should start a series....
A few weeks ago I shared an article on social media about singleness and the church's response to people who don't fit into the neat categories of children's ministry, youth group, or married/family boxes, and I think my post was probably misunderstood.  (I highly encourage you to read the original article.  It's a wonderful read for people in all phases of life!)  I personally avoid beginning a public discussion on such issues for fear that people will conclude that I'm discontent or feeling neglected.  So, naturally, I decided to turn the topic into a blog post to bring clarity to my direct violation of a personal policy.  ツ  Besides, it's almost Valentine's, which is always a great time to acknowledge singles.

There is an older Christian man I know who is very sweet and theologically sound.  However, every time he approaches me, I can expect that the topic will somehow (whether immediately or not) land on the fact that I am single (and shouldn't be).
One time he asked about my college plans, which topic he often uses to lead into my need for Mr. Sharon.  At the time I had recently made some adjustments to my college and career path, and I was actually pretty excited about these changes and about sharing my goals with others.  Then he stopped me mid-way and said "have you considered going to ____ Christian College?"  (The underlying idea, made quite clear, was that I needed to put myself in situations where getting married would become a near future probability.)  I have to admit that this kind of hurt.  Not only was he not really listening out of undivided interest; he was also wanting to insert an advertisement for what he thought I should do with my life.  I left the situation thinking does he not trust my relationship with God?  And the fact that I've prayed over these decisions and battled long hours over what (and where) GOD wants to do with my life?  I know that, in reality, he probably does not distrust my relationship with God as a Christian and that he only wants to show concern for my future.  But it becomes burdensome when the only interest he and others know how to show toward my life is consumed by the topic of getting married.

He is not the only one like this.  There are others, and probably for you as well (assuming you're single), who can't seem to get past the assumption that they should help me move toward a married life.  (I find that these people are usually senior citizens...maybe they are just feeling the shortness of life.)  And you know what it feels like after so many repeated encounters?  It feels like they're trying to plant seeds of discontentment in my life...that they want to applaud a sense of uneasiness over my singleness.  It's as if they are confirming the thought that "life starts when you get married" rather than affirming where I feel led right now.

But if I'm not content with God's plan for my life as it is today, how can I expect to be perfectly at peace in His next phase for me?  And does God really want me to be initiating and chasing after guys just so I can be married?  Honestly, I'm not interested in wasting my time like that, and I'm not interested in being married just to check that off a to-do list.

These people give little reinforcement or even interest toward my life where God has put me now...and I think that's really sad.  It's sad to me that so many people are so focused on either kids or couples that they miss the in-between group.  It's sad that people are more interested in pressing me toward finding a life partner than in hearing about what God has been teaching me or what makes me excited about life as it is right now or what my current goals are.

I wish these people could see that, while marriage is a gift, singleness is also a gift of its own.  I am not missing out on God's blessings just because I'm not married!  The blessings are just going to be different.  And that is perfectly ok.  God makes it pretty clear with Adam and Eve at the very beginning of time that marriage is a gift.  But Paul also makes it very clear in 1 Corinthians that being single has a benefits package all of its own as well.  I want to be free to rest in the opportunities and gifts that God has put in my present life instead of pining over what I may want my life to look like or what I expected it to be like by now.

The fact is that I'm very content and grateful in the present stage of singleness, and I feel like God has me in this phase for a reason.  I don't feel out of place, and God has provided me with wonderful supporters and friends through couples and singles alike.  Contrary to the opinion of many Christians I know, my life goal is not to get married and raise those 20 kids I wanted as an 8-year-old.  My life goal is to honor God and follow His leading in any and every phase of life that He gives...and to be completely content in doing just that.

................

So if you are single, too, I encourage you to recognize the benefits in that and use the benefits to their full potential.  Be thankful for where you're at because that's probably exactly where God wants you to be.
And if you're married, don't forget to show genuine interest and friendship with singles and encourage them in the journey that God has written for them...not the one you think should be written.  We already get a good dose of that from other people.  😏

The friendship investment

Have you ever been in such a busy time of life that you wonder where friends can fit in?  Is it even worth trying to fit them into the schedule during this phase of life?  Or is there a time of life where friends just don't really belong?

If you had asked these questions to me during my childhood, I probably would have gone into shock followed by a coma at the thought of not making time for friends.  I was constantly plotting how to arrange seeing my friends on a daily basis, living for friend interaction like my life depended on it.  

But somewhere in the growing up process, the friend dependence meter starts to go down.  Priorities change, calendars get full, and relationships shift.  In my own life, college, work, family, and community pull in a thousand directions, and it's hard to know what the placement for friends should look like in this new normal of being an adult.  Sometimes...well, sometimes it can feel like the time for friends has passed.

It's really tempting to let days and months go by in their normal, busy flurry and ignore the fact that maybe a core group of friends with similar interests, goals of personal improvement, and a spiritual connection is an invaluable gift worth scheduling into all this crazy.  

Our new adventure together of last summer!

In one of my recent classes, I was asked "what are you doing for fun on a regular basis?"  I was shocked.  I might expect my university to push me to be more disciplined, give everything to my courses, be committed 100% to good grades; I didn't expect my university to check for "fun" on the schedule.  This actually helped me realize that even fun is important for a well-rounded, healthy lifestyle.  So think again if you feel like you're being forced to cut "fun" out.

Although I am writing this from a single person's perspective, I think there are valuable reasons for anyone to intentionally have set aside friend time at least a few times each year.  Real friends are like a "must have" of sorts because they can provide a fresh breath of mountain air to the polluted city of constant deadlines and to-do lists. With the right foundation of intentional friendship, these core people can also pay back in incredible ways as an outside source (non-family) to walk through life's mountains and valleys with you.  (You never know when you or your friend will need the stability of your friendship.)

Friendships are actually a life investment.  They are the people who help you learn to be a better listener, communicator, and supporter.  They involve investing time (and often money) to connect with someone and prove that they matter.  And you might find, like I do, that putting time and encouragement into this investment ends up blessing you more than anything else.

So I'm thankful for fun.  And I'm thankful for going deeper.  And I'm thankful for friends to join me in both.  These 3 friends have been wonderful core people in my life for many years, and I'm super thankful that we have all been intentional about having set aside time together as "just us" at least once a year.  This has been a very worth-while investment for me as I learn to sympathize better and hear other people out...and it's always refreshing to just laugh and be myself with these God-given friends.  

Last year we actually scheduled in 3 different times to be together, and it was so good for me.  I'm also thankful that these years of making this friendship a priority have paid off in wonderfully practical ways such as greater openness and their valued support through hard times.  It's definitely been worth fitting into a demanding life.

Wearing your faith

As a conservative Christian who often wears skirts, I get asked a lot of these kinds of questions from strangers: "Are you Mennonite?"  "What church do you go to?"
In fact, one time an older man in Costco asked me this same sequence of questions and I had to tell him more than once that I am not Mennonite and that I attend a nondenominational community church.  He eventually turned away and mumbled something like "I still think you're Mennonite."

I left the situation laughing and thinking "I'm pretty sure I would know!"

Against popular opinion, skirts don't prevent adventure

Anyone wearing a skirt/dress of any length worth mentioning is bound to get asked these questions at some point, so I suggest letting it contribute comedy rather than offense.  (It really is a lot more fun that way!)

The world (let alone the Christian world) holds many different perspectives on modesty.  A lot of people assume that traditionally-known conservative dress is the same as "frumpy" and "unfashionable."  I don't know about you, but being classified under these labels does not really appeal to me.  My desire to dress modestly is equaled by a desire to appear professional and to prove that style and modesty can come together.
I absolutely do think that being mindful of style is appropriate and valuable.  As Christians, we've agreed to turn our bodies into God's temple.  The physical temple building in the Bible is never described as dingy, careless, or unattractive, and I don't think God wants us to be that way either.

What does it mean to dress modestly?  Does it matter?

I actually had no intention of ever blogging on this topic.  It's scary.  It's controversial.  It feels judgmental.  But I've noticed a trend among the modesty topic; this trend approaches modesty with the idea that (1) skirts are the answer to the modesty question and (2) here are all the Bible verses that should convince you.  While I think there is some validity and logic in both of those approaches, I don't think this always communicates well because it can come across as condemning.  Although I wear skirts most of the time, I am not the person who is going to suggest taking all your pants to Goodwill and replacing them with a closet full of skirts. (I wear pants on occasion and find them rather comfortable.)  In fact, I'm not even going to use Bible verses addressing modesty to prove how you should dress.  Hopefully thinking about this controversial topic from a different angle will help you practically view your motives and pursuits.

1. The way you dress provides you with an immediate reputation.  Yes, sometimes that reputation is of a Mennonite (or something with similar characteristics), but that's not the reputation I'm talking about.  I mean that the way I dress is an unspoken way of saying "I am a Christian and I take my faith seriously."  And people actually respect that!  They may not always understand it, but I've noticed that I often receive immediate respect simply by the way I dress - even from total strangers in stores.  I can't tell you how many times I have been stopped by a stranger and told, "thank you for dressing the way you do."  People appreciate and notice it more than you realize, and that's my opportunity to wear my faith out loud.  (I believe this can be done with pants as well as skirts.)  So how does your dress affect your reputation?  Does your dress speak of Christ?

2. What attention are you looking for by the way you dress?  Sometimes we don't even think about how our dress is tied to the attention we receive, but it is!  The way we dress can gather 3 types of attention:

• The world's artificial stamp of "you belong" 
• Apparel that comes across as careless, making the Gospel itself unattractive
• A balance between the two that communicates that appearing well-dressed is just as important as that reputation that speaks of Christ.

It is very tempting to want the world's attention and approval.  We want to fit in and be "cool."  But God doesn't tell us, "Go blend in as much as possible!"  His calling is to be different--to not be driven by all the world's fads.  (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15-17)  So I encourage you to take a look at yourself and ask, "Who's attention is most important to me?"

Skirts are not the only answer to dressing modestly!

As you consider the attention that you want to receive from the clothes you choose to wear, remember also that you are accountable to a holy God.  Would you feel comfortable in His presence?  It may seem that God will have bigger things to think about when you meet Him face to face, but I think even this area of life is important to be aware of because it can be closely connected to what your heart motives are.  God's presence is holy, and His calling for us is to walk in His holiness. (1 Peter 1:15, 16)

So I challenge you to think intentionally about the clothes you wear and how they relate to glorifying a worthy God.  And if you already consider your apparel modest, don't have a judgmental attitude toward those with different standards than you.  Follow God's calling in your own life and trust that He will work in each of His children as He sees fit.

"Don't shine so that others see you....shine so that through you, others see HIM."

(For other sources, I highly recommend Growing Up Duggar, which has a lot of great insights about modesty, parenting, and more from a helpful, conservative perspective.)