Monday, December 31, 2018

2018: Major Changes

Around this time in the year I usually pull out my journals and start flipping through very detailed accounts of nearly every day of the year, reading of little spontaneous happenings I had long forgotten and of big events that shaped the year.
But not this year.
During freshman year of college my journal's dates drifted farther apart, and I gradually walked away from my journal altogether after an almost daily streak of over 3 years.  It felt like both freedom and a loss.  Well, even without pages of history proving it to be so, 2018 has been blessed and land-marked with many changes.  And I guess I just want to take a minute to tell you the highlights of this year because God has worked in every part and shown me that He is incredibly faithful even when I start to doubt.

Last year's Christmas break came to an abrupt end when I returned to the SeaTac airport for my flight back to Bob Jones University.  To be honest, flying across the country to live 4 more months of life in a dorm wasn't really my ideal way to start out the year, but I didn't even know what my ideal did look like.  Walking back into my dorm on a rainy, dark January night for the first time in a month and receiving joyful greetings from so many sweet girls I'd learned to love and live alongside was just the beginning of learning that God had many wonderful surprises awaiting me in my return, though.
Within the first week I ran into a classmate from the previous semester, and we at last decided that God must have been crossing our paths so many times for a reason.  She became a life-saver in many ways from then on as we studied together, became accountability partners, ate breakfast together almost every morning, took walks downtown, ate pot pie in the dorm hall, and many other things.

I was also provided with a couple of other wonderful friends who started "Wednesday's with Sharon"--a weekly dinner together to vent on anything and laugh about everything.  These dinners of mandatory chocolate milk and anything other than salad were likely the most laugh-filled meals of all.  I think we spent more time talking about hypothetical post-graduation plans than anything else.

For spring break, God answered prayers in bringing my mom and Tirzah out to Greenville to spend much-needed time together.  At that time "our" house back home had just been put on the market, which meant that being together to process what that meant for us was really valuable. My cousins so graciously hosted us, and we had possibly the most relaxing, lazy week I have ever experienced as preparation for launching back into the final weeks of school before returning to Washington.

As an end-of-semester bang, my cousins treated me to a day out in Charleston, which was the first time the Atlantic Ocean and I had seen each other all year.  It was quite a day of touring with a look at the Angel Oak Tree, a ferry ride to Fort Sumter, an introduction to Rainbow Row, and more.  These family-turned-friends were a huge part of God pouring love into my life when I most needed it.

Finals week was a rush of events, including packing up my room, studying, and saying goodbyes.  Tirzah flew out to join me in the drive home; and as I crossed state lines out of South Carolina, the goodbyes felt very real.  It was clear that God had planted so many wonderful people in my Bob Jones life, right down to my hall RA.  A lot of growing had happened in my first year as a college student, and driving away from it told me that I would miss the people and environment of the university I had learned to be proud of.

The four-day drive across the country felt astonishingly short...I think I have done this drive too many times.  Tirzah and I got to surprise a friend for her college graduation along the way as well as reconnect with a few family friends who very generously hosted us each night.  Thankfully the drive was relatively uneventful and God answered many, many prayers for safety.  Arriving home on May 8th was probably the most emotional day I could have chosen, but I think visiting my dad's grave would've been a top priority no matter the date.

The first month of being home was rather hectic as we packed up our home and moved yet again with the incredible help of many friends and neighbors. This move definitely confirmed that God has surrounded our lives with wonderful, giving people whom we can never adequately repay.  God has been using these past few months following the move to continue stretching our faith (and patience) as we wait on Him for answers concerning more permanent housing, but we are so, so thankful for the sacrifices made by such giving friends in our current living situation.

The fall months were crazy ones (yes, probably even more so than moving month) with several different events colliding in a short amount of time.  Keren's September wedding was closely followed by the arrival of another niece and 2 nephews into the family!  Being an aunt 3 times in a row and welcoming twins into the family has been a very happy experience to say the least.

Hannah got to fly in for our first sight of each other in over a year as part of our recovery program from all the other events of the month. 😉 Amidst all of the other busy events that took us away from home for much of September, it felt great to have an excuse to stay home and enjoy one of my favorite people.  10 blissful days together passed all too quickly, but our time together was a wonderful re-connection that goes deeper than letters and texts. 

Tirzah and I have also had the opportunity to spend concentrated time on a few different occasions with 3 of my other favorite people in the past few months.  Between kayaking on the canal, wandering Costco, and playing games at home, the 5 of us become a wild squad when we are together.  I am so blessed to have them close enough to enjoy multiple days and events together throughout the year.  These are each people that God has used to add happiness and depth to my life and to teach me how to be a real friend.

The housekeeping business that Tirzah and I began almost 4 years ago is going stronger than ever as we add more clients and enjoy the many rewards of our jobs.  We also included tutoring a home-school family to our weekly work schedule, which has been a wonderful and challenging experience for both of us.  I think I am learning more than my "students" as I discover how to teach effectively.

When it comes to college, "major changes" becomes very literal.  A series of encounters between last December and this summer prompted me to very seriously reconsider pursuing elementary education.  While my original degree choice felt "safe," a lot of prayer and research revealed that speech therapy felt like more of a passion.  As scary as it feels sometimes, I am now actively pursuing a degree in speech therapy online.  I have loved seeing how God has planted people and situations in my life to help make this decision, and I believe He has something incredible in mind in my future career path.

If I looked at this past year strictly through my own lens, I would see a combination of great stuff and of hard changes ("bad" stuff) that I wouldn't have chosen.  But if I choose to use God's lens, I can see a year packed with adventures and opportunities to hand Him control.  I guess this is what makes this year so good: God filled me up with opportunities to trust that every big and little event ties in to creating a life He wants to be perfectly right for me. 
In what events of 2018 have you seen God write your story and provide for your needs?
I wonder what kinds of things next year will hold, but "tomorrow (or next year) is always fresh with no mistakes in it...yet"  (Anne of Green Gables).  So here comes a whole year with 365 days of new adventures, and I hope you experience some of the best.  🎉🎉 

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Going the extra mile: writing a younger generation

I was a horrific letter-writer with miserable handwriting and pathetic writing skills.  My questions were almost entirely limited to "what is your favorite _____?" and I highly doubt that my writing style was enjoyable to read in a cozy armchair with a cup of tea in hand.  The childhood me had no idea how to appropriately entertain and inform in a letter.  Yet my cringe-worthy letters kept producing an impressive result of letters in reply that were humorous and newsy.  What was I doing right?
It wasn't what I was doing at all.

Let me tell you about a few people who lit up my life when I was a kid.  Somehow I was fortunate enough to have 4 or 5 young adults as pen-pals when I was going through my awkward letter writing phase (it was a long phase).   These girls kept up with me for many years, sent me pictures, consistently wrote me lengthy letters, and mailed packages or called on my birthday.  Many of these people lived out of state and rarely saw me; a couple of them had never actually met me personally, but they knew my family.  I adored them.  Now that I am an adult, I realize that they were actually giving me a gift every single time they wrote.  They certainly didn't keep up this streak because my letters were equally enjoyable to them!
I lost contact with most of these pen-pals when they each entered new phases of life, but they all remain a special memory from my childhood.  Why?  Because they made an insignificant kid feel like someone super special over and over again.

These past pen-pals are my inspiration.  As a young adult with an opportunity to pass on this gift to a younger generation, it's really an honor to be a "second generation mailbox delight."  The simple act of an occasional letter to someone who needs an adult's attention turns into an opportunity to be a mentor, a friend, and a role model.

However, there is no doubt that it's so much harder to write a letter when there is a large age span between you and the recipient.  This is something that I still struggle with because there is a gentle balance between writing at their level and not making them feel that you are dumbing-down language and concepts.  If you ever feel inspired to write a letter to someone younger, you might want to try out some of these tips:

1. Show interest in their lives.  Ask them questions, and be as specific as possible.  If you know anything about their recent life, ask questions like "what was your favorite thing about _____?"  If you don't know anything about the latest happenings, try to pick something seasonal to ask about, such as "what is your favorite Thanksgiving dish?" or "what did your family do for Thanksgiving?"  I find that these kinds of questions are easier than "what have you been up to?" for a younger audience because it helps direct their mental flow of thought.

2. Practice writing colorfully.  Children are a wonderful outlet for practicing writing with humor and intense interest.  One particular adult pen-pal of mine was extremely colorful and hilarious in her writing.  I loved her letters because they inspired me to be a better writer and to think from a new perspective, and I find myself still attempting to write the way she did.  She probably has no idea that the thought of her letters still makes me smile and they continue to inspire me many years later just because she put a lot of personality into her writing.

3. Pick unique topics from your own life to write about.  Just like a letter to a person of your own age, you want to include some newsy things about your life so that the recipient can get to know you.  This is a little more difficult for a young person, though, because more "exciting" events will be of particular interest.  If there isn't anything of recent or upcoming news that is childishly exciting in my life, then I get to make something routine sound exciting.  Or recall a small anecdote that brightened an otherwise dull routine.  This is a great opportunity to turn the every day into a colorful experience so that it will draw their young minds in to the action and fun...even when it seems like there isn't any.

4. For a Christian writing to a younger Christian, letters to younger people also provide a great opportunity to be a spiritual mentor.  While your audience will not share your level of maturity, discussing something you are learning or memorizing will encourage them in their spiritual journey.  In the event that you have created a solid relationship of trust and friendship through letters, sharing the spiritual side of life will communicate that being spiritually minded is "cool."  Just like I have always wanted to write with personality like my past pen-pal, young people tend to want to be like the adult mentor/friend that they have; including pieces of the spiritual could motivate them to be more active in pursuing their faith.

It is really humbling and exciting to think that simply keeping up letter communication with a young, eager friend could actually make a lifetime difference, even if it does demand some extra time and effort from my schedule.  It is so worth it in order to make their lives a more wonderful experience.
With Christmas fast approaching, I would really encourage you to consider giving the gift of going an extra mile of reaching out and choosing at least one younger person with whom to correspond.  Think of it as an investment of the best kind.  Try it.  You might find out that it encourages you in return.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

A thankful lifestyle

The sun was pale with cold, and a frog with a sore throat attempted to croak at the same time every morning while I enjoyed some set-aside time with a deserving God.  I felt a little sorry for little froggy; it sounded like he was alone out there trying to survive the dropping temperatures.  His croaks came out in a low, forced tone.  He needed throat coat tea and a good dose of vitamin C.  I tucked my blanket closer around me, feeling thankful that it's him out there and not me. 

The day after I wrote in 2 letters that our first freeze was highly anticipated but probably not very near in the future, I woke up to subtle white frost gripping each blade of grass.  A couple more nights of crisp ground silenced the frog's morning discourse.  Hopefully he's happily hibernating somewhere out there.  😖

Every time I get in the car, the heater is pinned to the warmest setting waiting for the vents to stop blowing cold air.   I don't even check the weather anymore because I know it's just going to be cold, and that's all that really counts.  This week I had my first eggnog latte of the season, and I'm quite convinced that they are made by fairies.  The nights are starry and bright with a content moon making sparkles on the frost.  It's a good life, even when I forget.

With Thanksgiving so near at hand, I am thinking about one of my favorite family traditions.  When we sit down to a table too small to hold all the food, we first go around a time or two stating something from the past year for which we are each especially thankful.  Usually that ends up being a big thing--a raise, a new baby, a recent marriage, good grades, a new friend.  Those are the easy things to think of because they have largely dominated or defined the past year.  I love this because it gives us each a chance to hear from each other about the events and people that have had the greatest impact on the memory. 

The problem is that we, like most Americans, get up from the loaded dinner table and quickly forget how good we have it.  On Thanksgiving we will tell each other how great life is, and the next day we will be right back to the usual complaints of aches and pains and inconveniences.  This bothers me.  Most of all, I hate that I see this within myself.  We also forget that blessings don't only come in big packages spread out over the year.  They come subtly in every-day packages like electricity, running water, plumbing, a blanket, a mug of tea, a pair of socks, a hoodie.

This year I want Thanksgiving to be the starting point of creating a lifestyle of thankfulness for all the big and "little" (you would realize they weren't so little if your electricity went out for a few days) packages of abundance.  Thanksgiving isn't made to be a one-time thankful fest just before returning to the daily grind.  It's meant to be a reminder that thankful is what we ought to be every single day leading up to and following a celebratory holiday.  Thanksgiving is our chance to get together and tell each other "this is why I've been enjoying life so much this year."  I want to start living deeper, acknowledging even the most insignificant details of daily life.

I am thankful for many "big" things this Thanksgiving, but here are a few highlights of the everyday in my life:
  • Accountability partners and time to enjoy God's Word
  • Dirty pots and pans to wash, telling me that my mom is cooking up something tasty
  • A prompt electric stove top
  • Quality internet (this year for the first time in my life!)
  • Furnace heating
  • My niece's and nephew's art hanging in my room
I hope your Thanksgiving reminds you that life is so full...not just of food!  Now go celebrate what a beautiful life we live.

Friday, November 16, 2018

Why the letters?

By now you have probably caught on to the idea that I love writing letters sent through the good ol' postal system, and it probably sounds like I'm trying to reinvent the pony express here or something.  Here on the blog I have broken down a thank you letter into manageable parts, provided tips for how to make writing letters more possible and organized, and suggested a template for writing a friendly letter.  But why?  What's the point of all of that?  Is it so that you can analyze my letter if you receive one?  Is it because I think every person needs to be writing a minimum number of letters each month?  Why am I obsessed with writing letters?  These are actually very valid questions.  I have provided some brief answers in previous letter blogs, but I would like to address these unspoken questions more directly here before adding to my collection of blog posts on the topic of letter writing.

My intention is not to turn everyone into a letter-writing fanatic (though that would help out the postal system!).   I like letter writing because I see it as a personal "ministry"of encouraging and reaching out to others.  That just means that I am passionate about it, but I also realize that not everyone is or even should be!  But I do want to reveal why it is important to me and why I think writing at least an occasional letter really is valuable for you, too.

First of all, letters provide practice for well-thought-out communication.  In a technology world, we don't actually have to think too carefully because it's so easy to send another message of correction or to edit something.  I really love that about technology.  😏  But I also think there is a bit of loss in that.  We lose the ability to communicate with depth and meaning. If I'm using email or a messaging system, I am less likely to put in effort to find a connection and pour myself into what I want to communicate.  Letters are your chance to take the time to think through what you want to say and exactly how you want it worded.  It's like you have the freedom to be a real writer for just a minute...and an old-fashioned movie character!  There is space for creativity, humor, and personal honesty at a whole new level, and it's on paper where your recipient can handle it and soak it up over and over.

Pouring yourself into being a writer means that it also takes more time.  The 21st century is so fast-paced.  People are rushing from here to there and trying to meet deadline after deadline.  Most of us live highly demanding lives with tight schedules.  The wonderful thing about a letter is that it departs from this routine.  It commits to not be rushed and to take a needed pause in order to reach into someone else's life, just like you would if you were going to get together for coffee.  That leads me in to the next point:

When you are separated by distance from someone you really care about, you obviously can't spend time with them to share about life, laugh together, and create new memories like you would in person.  A letter will bridge that gap while you're apart.  You have a chance to still share about life in the same depth and detail that you might in person.  In a casual email, I would struggle to write effectually about my excitement over up-coming college courses or about my discouragement over future unknowns in the same way that I would communicate those things in person or in a letter.  The time and effort required for a letter shows that you care about them and want to take time out to be "with" them in whatever way is possible, too.  It's your secret code of saying "hey!  I know we can't hang out together today; but I still want to keep you updated, and I still really care about this relationship."

Finally, your handwriting and/or writing style reveal a lot about your personality and style.  Only "insiders" to your life know your handwriting well enough to immediately recognize it or have the ability to hear your voice when they read your choice of words and your sentence construction.  That's actually a really special thing to get to experience about your friend/family member.

Writing letters also helps you look younger, lose weight, and lower your risk of disease...
if you're simultaneously drinking green tea.
My blog posts about letters are not designed to guilt you or to reverse time away from technology.  However, I think you could pass on some encouragement by simply writing a letter to that person who has been on your mind for the past few days.  Let them know how they got on your mind, what you've been busy with, and what you miss about being together.  Give them the gift of being an insider on who you are, and the world just might become a better place.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

Be a 17 second miracle: a giving challenge

My sister and I occasionally pick up audio books from the library to help pass the time when we have mindless tasks ahead or just a lot of foreseen driving.  My sister is great about pumping through literature, and I listen to audio books with her to say that I've "read" a novel in the past year.

After exhausting our self-generated ideas of audio books, we started selecting books that are completely new to us.  Doing that is never exactly safe or fool-proof.  We have landed on books that we didn't finish, books that we didn't care for, books that were narrated by obnoxious voices, and a handful of books that have been strangely satisfying.  One such of these latter books, The Seventeen Second Miracle, was an audio book that Tirzah picked up this summer and we listen to during one of our extensive painting jobs.

It actually sounded a bit sketchy to me, so I listened really closely to identify the sketchy part. 😏  Pretty soon, though, I was caught up in the story and really hoping that there wouldn't be any reason to not finish the book.  The story line was tight and just mysterious enough to keep the audience curious.  The characters were each unique and quirky...and not always likable.  😁  It turned out that there were also 2 incredible, relevant messages of application for us.

First, The Seventeen Second Miracle reminds us that life is far too short to live like we are in control when we don't actually know what life is going to hold from second to second.  This book reminded me of something I seem to easily forget: every single second of life ought to be lived at its best, because any second could be my last.

Secondly, this book challenges us to become more sensitive to those around us.  We don't know what is going on in the background of other people's lives, but we can create a sacrificial habit of impacting each other's lives by going out of our way for only a few seconds to serve.  We can be givers in ways that seem small...but you never know how big it will feel to the recipient.

The Seventeen Second Miracle has prompted me to be a better giver so that I can make the most of every second I'm given in life.  Sure, maybe I'll lose a few minutes or dollars helping someone else have a better day, but I think my gains will be greater than my losses.

So what would our world be like if we all started becoming 17-second miracles to those around us?  What would we be like?

With Thanksgiving only 22 days away and another year coming to a close, I want to challenge each of us to become anonymous 17-second miracles just once a week for the month of November.  There are 4 nearly-complete weeks in November, which means that we will have 4 different opportunities to purposefully give to someone else. 
While any kind of giving is a wonderful and worthy practice, I would really like this challenge to focus on giving anonymously.  I emphasize this anonymous factor because I think it helps us be more focused on solely giving.  I don't know about you, but being thanked is a way that I often find fulfillment and satisfaction from a "good deed."  I need to perfect the art of giving without needing anything--not even a simple "thank you"--in return and yet still being completely gratified, so let's practice together!
Another reason is that I want to broaden my range of giving.  I give to people I love and spend time with, but I am not so inclined to give to people who are strangers to me.  I want my life to reflect that I actually truly care about everyone, including the people I only exchange smiles with on the sidewalk....or people that I have never even seen.  The thing I love about people who pay it forward, leave some small gift behind, or scribble a random note of encouragement is that they aren't so caught up in their day or their finances that they can't give a little.  They think about the person who will come after them.

So here's how you can participate in the giving challenge in the following 4 weeks:
  • Think of 4 ways (virtual bonus points for 4 different ways!) that you can anonymously give to people around you.  Don't concern yourself with making it a big gift; this can be something as simple as a note of encouragement or $5 to lift someone else's day.  Here are some simple starter ideas:
               > paying it forward at a coffee shop
               > leaving a gift card at a public location for the next person
               > mailing a note of encouragement and/or gift card to "current resident" at a random address in your phone book (and hoping this will not creep out the receiver! 😉)
  • Come back here every week and leave a comment about how you incorporated this challenge into your week.
  • Check in on the comments every week to hear how I've given anonymously, and get ideas from others!

Anonymously giving is so practical for us in our daily lives because life is full of thankless tasks.  Mowing the grass, washing the dishes, cooking meals, and replacing light bulbs are all things that need to be done on a regular basis, but we allow ourselves to procrastinate on those tasks because they generally go unnoticed.  Whether it's giving anonymously for a stranger or giving not-so-anonymously in your own home, serving without receiving anything in return must become a part of who we are as loving, giving people.

Do you think you could be someone else's 17 second miracle this month?

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

A Stabilizer in the Storm

This summer I was asking a friend how he felt about some pretty major changes going on in his life, and he said that so many things had changed in the past couple of years that it didn't really matter any more.  
I know exactly what he's talking about.  When life gets interrupted and changed again and again in a short amount of time, you kind of start thinking "plot twist!" and just keep riding with the tide.  Those crazy changes start becoming a very real part of life, and you learn to cope.  That doesn't necessarily mean that change becomes easy; you just learn to handle it differently.  I can shrug it off and rest in the fact that God DOES know about the future, even when I have no clue.  I know that whatever changes are ahead--however major or minor--will lead to new opportunities that couldn't have been there otherwise.  

But no matter how accustomed I may get to change, sometimes I really need something (or someone) in life that is consistent and constant.  I need something that I can depend on to not change and grow distant so that my life still holds some familiarity because too many changes can often be scary.  Yes, I get scared with change, even though I know that God is perfectly in control.  I get nervous that I will lose everything as I knew it before.

Particularly in this college-age time of life, a lot of my relationships are shifting.  Friends are at college, getting married, and preparing for careers.  New doors are opening up for everyone as we each start exploring more long-term goals for life.  The people are changing, too.  God is impressing different lessons on each of us as we take on different commitments and careers.  These are all wonderful things, but they are also difficult things because friendships often begin to grow distanced in more ways than just miles.

But God has graciously placed in my life a few friends who don't let changes of responsibility and opportunity wedge between us.  They are exactly what I need for some stability in these years of goodbyes, moving, and taking on of new roles.  

One of these God-given friends was placed in my life 14 years ago--way before I knew I really needed her for anything more than a simple pen-pal.  Hannah became one of my "favorite hellos and hardest goodbyes" when we first spent time together 2 years ago.  Now she is so much of the dependable stability that I need in a life raging with changes and unkowns.  She knows about the ups and downs of my life, and that doesn't push her away.  We live in different states, but that doesn't force our friendship apart.  God is placing different goals and talents on our lives, but that doesn't prevent us from understanding each other.  I am seriously so blessed.

With college, work, and general life getting in the way, the past year of our friendship had been limited to calls, texts, and letters.  LOTS of each.  I was extra thrilled that Hannah's favorite birthday present (well, my favorite, anyway 😉) was a flight down to Washington for us to be together again.  10 days gave us the chance to celebrate Sukkot together (for the 2nd time), start brainstorming a novel, play in the middle of the road, and catch up on a few things in person.  I didn't even know just how much I needed this until we were reunited.

So...it doesn't matter if you do or don't know what's going on in your friend's life; it doesn't matter if the events, talents, and goals of your lives are totally different; it doesn't even matter if you are states apart!  You can still be the one thing that is always present and supportive with deepening friendship.  If not for yourself, than do it for your friend.  You--just you being you--might be exactly what they need.
Be like Hannah; be a stabilizer in someone else's storm.

Probably our most pathetic Sukkot tent ever...😖
Check out this flawless form!  
That look when a car is coming, but you are paralyzed with fear. 😄


Lets be friends for a little bit longer....like, forever.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Gazing at the Pillar of Fire and releasing our dreams

As a kid I dreamed a lot about what my future would be like.  Everything played out perfectly.  Well, I added in some bumps along the way for effect, but they were resolved and I was still a hero.  
Whether consciously or subconsciously, we often think that life will play out the way we imagined it as kids.  We will smile satisfactorily into each sunset as the sky's colors speak our joy because life is so abundant.  We will jump up every morning with eagerness for another amazing day doing what we love with the people that we love.  We will live in the house of our dreams with all our Pinterest-inspired decorations.

My plans didn't include spending a whole lot of time waiting.  
I don't think most of us do "schedule in" that waiting that is bound to happen.  We expect to coast ahead with a life of open doors and opportunities.  Then we are surprised when God pushes on the brakes, completely removes our control, and says "do you trust Me on this one?"  

Life is so full of decisions, so full of unanticipated turns, so full of moments where we have to say "God, what exactly do you have in mind from here??"  We have probably all been in a position of uneasy waiting on God's answer to something...and if you haven't been there, I can promise you it's looming in your future!  Maybe it's for a job, for housing, for college, for ministry...there is an endless list of ways that God blocks our vision and forces a season of waiting on us.  And sometimes it's more than a season.  Sometimes we wait and wait and wait as season after season goes by.  The leaves start budding on each tree branch and then those same leaves are on the ground getting covered by snow, but you're still asking God to make the waiting stop.  

I know what that is like.  I've waited for God's answers to family health issues, for decisions regarding college, and for housing.  I know that God still sees my resistance to these times of waiting because He is putting me through yet another test where I don't know the timeline.  For the 3rd time in 8 years my family and I have had to quickly and unexpectedly move with only temporary living options available.  It's exhausting.  I'm so prone to complaining about the unknowns and all the stuff in storage that I miss accessing.  I'm sick of boxing everything up and replanting one more time.  I'm tired of watching my life expectations fail again and again.  

We all experience this at one time or another.  We begin to feel alone and deserted...like the waiting will never stop.  Yes, often times it feels scary and dark!  When the Israelites were waiting -- "wandering" -- for 40 whole years, I bet they felt scared and oppressed, too.  I took another look at their journey this week, and I imagine they were outright frustrated and completely done with waiting.  They waited on all kinds of things, even down to the daily provision of food and water.  To them, their slavery in Egypt felt better than this waiting, this miserable unknown.  That sounds crazy.  Did they really forget what that slavery was like?  But we actually tend to feel the same.  The waiting God sets in our lives feels so passive and disruptive to any forward motion.  We would rather be in "slavery" than experience this wilderness.

The Bible speaks of Abraham ("he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8b) as being filled with faith as he relied on God's leading; the Israelites also waited moment by moment on God, and they picked up and went when God revealed the next step.  For the Israelites, they were gazing on that Pillar of Fire.  We, God's people today, can learn to do the same, whether we're waiting for days, months, or years.  Of course we don't have a physical pillar of fire sitting in front of us, but the concept is the same.  He is still leading us through the night just like He did in the Old Testament.  

It doesn't matter if you're waiting on housing, healing, decisions, or a job; the Pillar of Fire is always there for you.  It is blazing your trail, which will not look quite like anyone else's.  You are part of a great adventure that you can rest in because you are being led by the One who loves you most, and He is holding you through this night.  And this waiting is for a purpose; it stretches, teaches, and broadens out to a better place.  Can we trust that His prepared story for us is even better than the dream we created as kids?

There, in the distance--a pillar of fire
Rumbling like thunder in a dream
It roars among the pines along the lines
Of the great Mississippi

It scatters all the cattle, and it rattles the leaves
It skids across the prairie by the moon
It sings like a choir, this pillar of fire
And the name of God is the burning tune

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Upward, onward, homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, lead me through the night,
Pillar of Fire

On through the passes of the mountains it goes
As bouldered and broken as my heart
I shiver and cry and I watch as it winds
To the deepest and the darkest parts

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Now upward, onward, now homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, hold me through the night,
Pillar of Fire
Where, Oh Lord, are you leading?
I can get so scared in the night
My feet are cut and bleeding
With every step I feel less alive

Oh, but Pillar of Fire, you blazed this trail
You've been there every step along the road
From a barn in Bethlehem to Hell and back again
You blazed the trail that leads me home

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Now upward, onward, now homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, hold me through the night,
Pillar of Fire

On to the ocean I follow it down
Where it sizzles and boils in the waves along the sound
Oh, Jesus, lead me to your shore
Pillar of Fire

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Making the most of NOW

(For any of you who may have had trouble with the follow by email subscription, it should be working now!)

As I sit and stare at the perfect little details of my new twin niece and nephew, I want to hang on to this tiny little stage forever.  I think about how soon they will be crawling after each other, then how they will be chasing their siblings and cousins, and the fact that far too soon they will be teenagers doing the kind of math that makes me cry.  😃  Too soon they will no longer be babies passed around for squishes and cuddles.

My 6 year old nephew sits and stares with me, admiring his newest brother and sister.  He wants to know what he was like as a baby.  "Was I this small?"  "Did you know me when I was a baby?"  He's suddenly 6 years old, but I remember the grey footie pajamas with green stars that he wore when I held him for the first time.  "Was I cute like this, too?"  I tell him he was the cutest, sweetest thing...just like he is now.  He laughs because he doesn't believe a 6 year old can be as cute as a baby.  But he is.

All of "my babies"--even these newborn twins--are changing and growing too quickly.  I can't take it all in fast enough.  I forget that I have to treasure every. single. moment. with these kids.
We all play roles of aunts, uncles, parents, teachers, or nannies.  God places children and adults in each other's lives because we both learn from each other.  The sad thing is that we, as adults, allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with the struggles and negatives, or we just plain forget that they grow up too fast for us to turn to procrastinating.  We tend to think "later will be a better time to start disciplining, to start teaching, to start loving better" and "I will probably be better prepared and more capable at another time."  Really, the best time to start is now.  It doesn't matter how incompetent we feel because as we commit to loving them better, we will become more and more sufficient.

Whatever your role may be in a child's life, don't forget to maximize your time NOW in showering that relationship with love, fun, and purposeful instruction.  Sure, kids need corrected and disciplined for wrong behavior, but they also need approval, reminders of their worth, and "just because" smiles.  They need adults who are gentle balancers and encouraging fans.

Well, the first month of life for "my twins" has already screamed past.  I like to think they are as in love with me as I am with them.  After 3 years without a new addition to my tribe, these twins give me all the first-time auntie feels again.  (also looking forward to meeting #16, arriving any day!)  I am so excited for the privilege of watching them grow up and let me be one of their favorite supporters. 👣
"Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her."
 
Aunties enjoying snuggle time and admiring tiny babies
Grandma and a family of 5!


Monday, October 1, 2018

What about ME? : putting life back into perspective

At the beginning of my freshman year at Bob Jones University around this time last fall, one of the least expected adjustments was the abundance of churches.  With churches on nearly every street corner, I was--for the first time--given a choice in where to attend.  By the time a month had passed, I was already tired of church shopping and finally settled on a church where the sermons seemed to be directed right at a place in my life that needed attention every time I visited.

Convicting sermons that "hit the spot" aren't quite as easy to take as my mom's meals that also "hit the spot," though.  The phrase is the same, but the hit is very different.  A sermon that speaks conviction into my life is one of my favorite things because it points directly at a specific place that requires action and reminds me to open construction on that area.  This kind of sermon is also my least favorite because it proves that I have a lot of personal work to do, and that is always a struggle.

One such of these sermons was given at my church of choice when I most needed it (but least wanted to expend energy on repairs).  On the Sunday that the congregation opened hundreds of Bibles to Philippians 2:14, I knew this verse wasn't just for quoting to kids with bad attitudes.  It's not just to prove your child is a sinner.  It's for me.
"Do all things without murmuring and disputing [complaining, arguing]."  Every time I come upon this verse, I kind of like to slide right through it without stopping too long.  Guilty thoughts of "yes, I know, I know!" and "yeah right" and "is that even vaguely possible?" start racing through my head before I can even finish reading the 7 word verse, making excuses for when I fail to live it out.  Of course not complaining is wise and ideal, but does God have any idea how hard it is to turn that verse into a lifestyle in this sinful world?

The reality is that Philippians 2:14 is just as important as it is simple.  In that morning's sermon, "complaining" was explained as telling God that we deserve better and/or more out of life.  Something about that definition has caused me to pause a little longer and dig in a little deeper.  I've begun preaching to myself the depth of this definition so that it sinks into every part of who I am.
In my own life, complaining has become a habit.  Habits are like splinters.  The longer they stay, the deeper they go and the harder they are to get out again.

Our world--and maybe particularly Americans--are so in-shape when it comes to telling our Creator that life isn't quite good enough for us.  Much of what we do and say communicates the idea that the world must revolve around "me" for happiness.  We spend more time talking and thinking about the fact that the job doesn't pay enough, chocolate is too expensive, the mattress isn't comfortable enough (or it's too cushy!), I don't have Billy's talent, my toast is a little overdone, the neighbors are too loud, a different game would've been more fun, life hasn't gone as planned, and the weather isn't just right instead of talking about all the ways we live over-abundant lives, constantly surrounded by more than we need for life.

I tell God that I deserve better in every-day ways like complaining about a breakfast that didn't quite agree with my taste-buds, a restless night, my "need" for ice cream, lack of time to accomplish everything, and cold feet.  And sometimes I'm more pointed, like telling God that my life isn't fair and that I didn't ask for this.

But when I stop thinking about myself and look around, I see people hurting so much more than I am and start wondering why God was compelled to bless me above and beyond what I deserve.

The truth is that there are people out there in perpetual physical pain that is extremely restraining; there are people rejected by their families, desperately needing hope and healing; there are people and whole villages who don't have access to clean water to quench exhausting thirst; people who have watched their whole families face persecution and death in nightmarish ways; people who have to flee and start over on life in somewhere they don't want to call home; people who have never experienced the meaning of family, love, or grace where the real freedom is.

I think Philippians 2:14 is getting at the idea that our complaints cause Jesus to feel shredded up.  When I speak of not wanting to go to work instead of being thankful for a wonderful job, when I communicate envy over what someone else has or experiences instead of expressing gratitude for what I do have, when I argue that my opponent isn't playing by MY rules or pick apart the details instead of finding the fun in what is, I think God senses that His sacrifice didn't mean enough for me.

The question is this: Why do we choose a lifestyle that communicates dissatisfaction for life and God?
Let's stop adjusting the focus onto ourselves.  Let's turn the lens outward and upward.  Stop the self-pity, stop outlining what could be better, and start seeing what is.
Thankfulness leads to contentment, contentment leads to joy, and joy leads to real life.  Let's become people who are amazed at everything God has chosen to pour into our lives and tell Him that anything is good enough as long as we can still have Him.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

"You're my best auntie"

Just when I thought summer would go on and on, I woke up to a genuinely cold morning.  The mornings and evenings have taken on a chilled edge, slowly enforcing a new normal.  Fog is beginning to settle down low between the branches--one of my favorite parts of fall.  With a less aggressive heat, the sun still shines through the trees onto yellowed leaves that flutter down aimlessly and create their own beautiful.  Some leaves are more ready than others as they lead the way in welcoming the next season. 

Soon we'll be waking up to grass that's white with cold; but not yet.  Unlike summer's rapid entrance, fall comes slowly with one new gift at a time.  I think fall likes to try sneaking in to see how much we're paying attention to the details of each day.  Me?  Well, I certainly noticed those leaves on the road that picked up wind again as I drove by.  And I can't wait to see every road decorated with color.

There's some irony in fall; leaves fade and die, but they do it beautifully.  Their departing makes way for the new leaves to make a debut next spring.  Maybe I am being "too Christian" by making a simplistic, seasonal thing into something spiritual, but maybe our lives would be better if we were ok with just being a leaf in life.  It's ok to do the quiet, "unimportant," every-day things and find contentment in just that.  God doesn't call everyone to be a hero in the loud sense, but we can all be heroes in exactly where we are.  We can silently keep loving and living in such a way to lead up to a beautiful end that will make way for those after us.

At my present stage in life I'm still working on being a quiet hero--and on learning to just be a hero at all.  Right now one of my most distinct roles is being an aunt to 16 wonders whom I call "my babies."  Yes, even the 12 year-old.
Being relatively close in age to my nieces and nephews has really helped me create unique bonds and friendships with them.  There are connections that I never want to lose because I treasure our closeness and playfulness so dearly.  I want to be the person that each of them looks up to and can call upon for the rest of life.  I want to be more than an aunt; I want to be a friend.
But, like a parent, I make a lot of mistakes as an aunt.  I fail to love them enough, I don't sacrifice enough to be with them, and I'm not always the best person to imitate.  I'm pretty sure that each of them have taught me more about life and gentleness than I could ever teach them, too.
I am in love with the way each of them has enhanced my life, and sometimes every and any negative part is washed away all at once when one of them says, "you're my best auntie" as a reminder that I'm still doing something right.

To each of my nieces and nephews, I love you very much.
(Future goals: must get more pictures of/with my 16 smiles.)

Monday, August 20, 2018

Thomas Jefferson and the friendly letter

Legend has it that I began writing letters as a simple school assignment.  I wrote to my grandparents and one "friend" whom I'd never met aside from being babies together (many virtual rewards to her for still being my pen-pal, and now also one of my dearest friends in person).  They made up the most glorious part of my school, and it soon progressed into a hobby.  As my personal address book continued to expand, my little hobby began to explode into a competition with Thomas Jefferson, writer of more than 30,000 letters.  I would really like to have a personal interview with the man who was one of America's greatest presidents and writer of the long-standing Declaration of Independence but still found time to pen so many letters.  I can just imagine his friends "thoughtfully" passing on old ink jars that had become sticky with age and his parents or wife starting a budget just for stamps and envelopes.

Do you ever wonder what the deal was with his 30,000+ letters?  Do you think they started as a school assignment?  Or maybe a dare from an unsuspecting friend who secretly thought "he'll never..."?  I suppose he could've been counting every draft of the Declaration of Independence, but I would rather think that Thomas Jefferson wrote letters because they were part of who he was.  He might have written to his grandmother about his growing children and the pressures of presidency.  I can see him scribbling on goofy postcards for his children while away on business and writing to an old friend to reminisce about past adventures.

But where did his time and inspiration come from?  Why would he have spent so much time creating 30,000+ letters for the people in his life?  I wish I could tell you that I got a hold of one of Jefferson's notebooks that held all the answers to these questions and his writing strategy that produced such a successful number of letters, but all I have is years of my own practice and some inspiration to try matching up.

The thing I love about letters is that they take you to a different, unique level of knowing someone and give you the opportunity to write out the full version (unlike instant messages, which are generally the abridged version).  Writing a letter, whether a reply or a "thinking of you," can be a meaningful code to your friendship.  This is a code that tells your friend that they are special to you.

"If your eyes could speak, what would they say?"  This is one of my favorite quotes from The Book Thief because of the way it effects my writing by reminding me to use words more carefully and beautifully.  Letters are one tool that give my eyes and feelings a chance to speak by going beyond the information basics and re-living a moment through words in all its details and sensory pieces.  I often find myself stuck on the stressors and tasks of today, sometimes forgetting things as simple as what I was up to yesterday or last weekend; but that moment when take up my pen and paper is the moment that I get to look back at the things that make my life the daily gift that it is.
Beyond the writing itself, handwriting makes up a big part of a letter, too.  Writing style and handwriting all say something about who you are as a person and what personality is hiding inside. My handwriting is also a part of who I am. Whether good, bad, or somewhere in-between, it is me.  My handwriting--and even writing style--has gone through a host of phases in 20 years.  It has gone from nasty to chunky to trying-to-be-cool to flea print and arrived at something that is somehow a mix of all of those things.  All my past letters are one of the few evidences of that progression, and it makes me realize how far I've come.  (It also helped to stop asking all my pen-pals what their favorite letter of the alphabet was.)
Letters don't just force me to write; they motivate me to practice writing well.

As with a lot of things in my life, the way I write letters is also pretty structured and organized.  When it comes to writing a friendly letter, this is the general pattern that I follow (If you are not replying, skip step 2):

1. Try not to begin the letter with "How are you?"
The beginning and end are always the hardest.  When I was little, I think every single letter started with this question because I did not know how to open up my letter.  It also sounds rather dull and bland, like a cookie with only half of the important ingredients.   Now I only very rarely ask "how are you?" at any point in a letter because I can usually extract that information from the style and news of their letter of reply without making them say "I'm doing well."
My letters have now taken on a new tune and tend to start out with a variation of "Getting your letter this week was such a special treat and really made my day!" or "I've been thinking about you so much that I could no longer resist writing you."  The first sentence should make a connection between you and your friend.

2. Systematically answer questions/comments from the letter to which I am responding.
One of the most frustrating things of receiving a letter is realizing that one of the questions you had asked went unanswered.  To avoid that mistake, I go through their letter answering each question and commenting on stories/information before getting too lost in writing about my own world.
     > Make sure you write your answer in a way that ensures the reader will remember the topic at hand.  Be sure to reference the topic/question you are answering.  (i.e. Yes, it was vs. Yes, our vacation was 3 days long.)
     > Simply commenting on something from your friend's letter is appropriate, but it also requires clarity as to the topic.  The best way to make it clear (and more interesting) is to purposefully write at least 2-3 sentences in reply to that subject.
     > The only time I depart from my system and give out information on recent news or what-not is when it (1) completes the answer to a question or (2) fits in really well with whatever I'm already writing about.

3. Write about the highlights of the past 1-3 weeks (or more).
This is when it's fun to practice descriptions and details.  DON'T think "that's kind of an insignificant part; I guess I'll just leave it out."  It's those little insignificant pieces that make the story more fun and include your friend in the little pieces of your life.

4. Ask questions that show interest.
Questions make replying so much easier for your friend.  I think they also tend to say "I've been thinking about what's happening in your life and wondered how ________ is going."  They show that you are forward thinking about them.  But you can have too many questions so that replying becomes overwhelming.  Sometimes I accidentally end up with a bunch of questions at the end (which I try not to do), and I'm always afraid that I've taken my friend on a nice little walk through my recent life and then buried them alive.  Probably not a solid strategy.  Pick an average of about 5 questions about your friend and/or his/her life and try to appropriately spread them out throughout the letter.

5. Conclusion.
Unlike a thank you note, you really don't want to give your friendly letter a research paper twist in the conclusion.  Don't try to sum all your "points" (news) into a final paragraph.  Even more so than with the beginning of a letter, I struggle with creating a meaningful conclusion.  Depending on the friend or the general tone of the letter, I like to end with some piece of specific encouragement, though.  Sometimes that means writing about how much they mean to me, sometimes it means recalling a memory or 2 together and mentioning how much I miss them, and sometimes it comes with a compliment.  It takes work to make a conclusion on point, but it's so worth it.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

A new start to an old blog

After a few weeks of overbearing heat, last week finally brought in a few days of my favorite summer weather.  The nonthreatening morning clouds lingered long into the day, like a close friend who doesn't want to part.  The afternoon sun then came slowly peeling back the clouds, producing a comfortable radiance for a few quiet hours before saying goodnight, leaving our corner of the world in a soft, warm blanket for the next cloudy morning.

Maybe this post is a little like the refreshing coolness in the drought of my blog.  As my last blog post drifted further into the past, I felt a sense of obligation to just get something posted again.  Anything.  That's how I knew I wasn't ready to say hello to my blog again yet, so I took an unintentional break.  I don't want to be here out of obligation or to just get another post out there.

I have thought about the blog nearly every day of my absence, though, wondering what direction I should take here and wondering when I would be ready to be back.  I want my blog to be purposeful, and not just about making sure to blog something with some kind of frequency.  I want to contribute content that has meaning and that is of interest to you, my readers.  (Hint: make use of the comments section and let me know what you like to hear.)  Along the way I've struggled with things like fear: what if I don't do a very good job putting my thoughts into words?  What if my amateur skills in writing and photography aren't really worth this blog?  And things like uncertainty: what do readers like to see/read when they come here?  What is worth sharing?

When I was little, I spent every spare moment writing because I loved it too much to let anything get in the way.  Stories, letters, essays--practically anything other than poetry.  As an adult, I've forgotten what it's like to write and create fearlessly.  I think more about what people will think and spend more time comparing myself to accomplished people whom I admire.  And I think anyone with a gift or hobby has to face these kind of hurdles at some point.  We all have to overcome the fear within to allow ourselves to be something for the world outside.  God gives each of us different stories, different talents, and different ways of expressing who we are as unique individuals.  People aren't respected for giving up but for pressing through resistance to find the real talent.


So here I am with a blog that started because one of my heroes advised me to share a little piece of myself with the world.  But maybe this blog is more for myself than for the world as I keep practicing the writing and learning what it's like to produce a purposeful blog that can help me become a better communicator and person.

The weather is hot and oppressive again.  I've already gotten 2 sunburns this summer, which is 2 more times than usual.  The sun unashamedly peeks through the trees in the early morning, revealing a blue sky that's pale with haze, as if even the sky is tired out.  The sun is setting a little earlier each night, like a secret message that summer will soon give way to fall.  How did August creep up when I'd turned my back?