Writing a good thank you

I have been an obsessive letter-writer for as long as I can remember.  I clearly recall, around the age of 8, going through my parents' address book and writing a letter to basically everyone I vaguely knew.  I wrote so many letters growing up that I finally began keeping a log of every letter written each year.  (2017 was my record at 203.)  Clearly I have an unusual obsession.
I am particularly thinking about thank you cards this time of year, catching up from all the generous gifts for my birthday [from my incredible friends and family!].

Thank you's are probably the most necessary cards to write in all of life.  I often hear of people who have long ago given up on writing thank you's because it is too time consuming and hard to keep up with.  Unfortunately, our society has tried comforting themselves with the [false] belief that it's not all that important anyway.

So let me first tell you why writing thank you's is so important, even in a world converting to social media and instant messages:
A hand-written, mailed card shows greater appreciation and thoughtfulness in return.  It's true that it takes time to write something out by hand...and even more time to think of what to write first.  Even though I often write letters and thank you's, I find myself struggling every time to know just how to begin or just what to say next.  However, the person who gave you a gift or provided you with a place to stay also spent a lot of time thinking about how to make it the perfect thing for you.  Writing a personal thank you is like saying "this is how much all your effort means to me," and everybody deserves to hear that.


Now that we've established that it's well-worth your time, there are probably still a great majority who don't know what to write.  Then the note is concluded within about 4 sentences and put in the mail.  That's a great start, but stamps are expensive these days.  If you're going to mail something, you might as well make it worth every penny.  Here's how to make a letter lengthier and more meaningful:  (Not all these tips for writing are original, but I'll be happy to take credit anyway.)

1. Immediately put it on your to-do list and get it done soon
As soon as you get something in the mail or get home from receiving a gift, put it on your to-do list.  If you forget, you will also likely forget to write a note.  Keep it near the top of priorities and get it done in the near future so you can check it off.  This is a really simple, non-active task to do in the evening before bed or even mid-way through the day for a mental break from other things.

2. Don't let your opening sentence start with "Thank you for..."
This is actually a tip I learned from How Rude, a fabulous, understandable book about manners of all kinds; and it has transformed (and improved) the way that I write a thank you card.  It is a huge temptation to start out saying "Thank you for the....".  After all, that's the reason you're writing anyway.  Nonetheless, starting out with a more creative sentence is much more meaningful and interesting.
For instance, my sister recently gifted me with headphones to replace my broken pair.  I could start out by saying "As I sit here writing you, I am experiencing the luxury of hearing my music in both ears rather than just one for the first time in months."  Then I could even start the next sentence with "Thank you so much for the headphones!" and build on it from there.
If it happens to be a gift that you don't find as specifically useful or desired, that just gives you greater opportunity to get creative.  When I'm really desperate, I start the first sentence with something random (just to avoid breaking the first rule of thank you writing) like "I'm sure I just saw a polar bear run by the window."  Whatever it takes to avoid starting with "Thank you," do it.  ;)

3. Write about why the gift is special to you
Once you've gotten past the first, brain-stretching sentence (believe me, it doesn't really get easy to be creative with it), you can begin describing why the gift means so much to you.  In the case of the headphones, I could proceed to say that they will be very well-loved because I live in a dorm room and I love listening to music all the time.
A few months ago a friend gave me a beautiful painting with Psalm 139 on it.  This was meaningful to me because Psalm 139 is a chapter that my dad led the family in memorizing several years ago, so it always reminds me of him.
The point is, make some personal connection with the gift if possible.

4. Tell how you plan to use it
Some gifts are self-explanatory.  In the recurring theme of the headphones, my sister would probably not expect me to tell her that I plan to use them to tie my shoes; and I would not feel the need to tell her that I'm going to use them to listen to music.  In that sort of instance, you could rather describe how frequently it will be a useful device in your life.
If you are gifted with money, tell how you plan to spend it.  If you don't know yet, make something up that is probably close to the truth.  :D

5. Include some additional information about you/your life
This step isn't always necessary or appropriate, but it can be an enjoyable addition--especially if you know the person fairly well.  Even with thank you cards, I usually like to include something interesting about what I've been doing lately or something exciting that is on the calendar for the near future.  As I mentioned before, stamps aren't cheap, so make the most of it.  It doesn't have to be lengthy or detailed; but the person you are writing has already shown interest in your life by gifting you with something, so you might as well let them in on a few things.

6. Conclude with a restatement of your gratitude
This is where it starts to sound like you're writing an essay or research paper.  But--believe me--once you have followed the above steps, it will be far more interesting than that.
In the final sentence or 2, restate just how thankful you are.  You don't have to rename the object or be specific all over again.  It can be something as simple as "Thank you again for the thoughtful gift and card.  I'm so thankful to have you as part of my life!"

Now go dig out your cards, stamps, and envelopes.  You probably have a lot to catch up on.