The friendship investment

Have you ever been in such a busy time of life that you wonder where friends can fit in?  Is it even worth trying to fit them into the schedule during this phase of life?  Or is there a time of life where friends just don't really belong?

If you had asked these questions to me during my childhood, I probably would have gone into shock followed by a coma at the thought of not making time for friends.  I was constantly plotting how to arrange seeing my friends on a daily basis, living for friend interaction like my life depended on it.  

But somewhere in the growing up process, the friend dependence meter starts to go down.  Priorities change, calendars get full, and relationships shift.  In my own life, college, work, family, and community pull in a thousand directions, and it's hard to know what the placement for friends should look like in this new normal of being an adult.  Sometimes...well, sometimes it can feel like the time for friends has passed.

It's really tempting to let days and months go by in their normal, busy flurry and ignore the fact that maybe a core group of friends with similar interests, goals of personal improvement, and a spiritual connection is an invaluable gift worth scheduling into all this crazy.  

Our new adventure together of last summer!

In one of my recent classes, I was asked "what are you doing for fun on a regular basis?"  I was shocked.  I might expect my university to push me to be more disciplined, give everything to my courses, be committed 100% to good grades; I didn't expect my university to check for "fun" on the schedule.  This actually helped me realize that even fun is important for a well-rounded, healthy lifestyle.  So think again if you feel like you're being forced to cut "fun" out.

Although I am writing this from a single person's perspective, I think there are valuable reasons for anyone to intentionally have set aside friend time at least a few times each year.  Real friends are like a "must have" of sorts because they can provide a fresh breath of mountain air to the polluted city of constant deadlines and to-do lists. With the right foundation of intentional friendship, these core people can also pay back in incredible ways as an outside source (non-family) to walk through life's mountains and valleys with you.  (You never know when you or your friend will need the stability of your friendship.)

Friendships are actually a life investment.  They are the people who help you learn to be a better listener, communicator, and supporter.  They involve investing time (and often money) to connect with someone and prove that they matter.  And you might find, like I do, that putting time and encouragement into this investment ends up blessing you more than anything else.

So I'm thankful for fun.  And I'm thankful for going deeper.  And I'm thankful for friends to join me in both.  These 3 friends have been wonderful core people in my life for many years, and I'm super thankful that we have all been intentional about having set aside time together as "just us" at least once a year.  This has been a very worth-while investment for me as I learn to sympathize better and hear other people out...and it's always refreshing to just laugh and be myself with these God-given friends.  

Last year we actually scheduled in 3 different times to be together, and it was so good for me.  I'm also thankful that these years of making this friendship a priority have paid off in wonderfully practical ways such as greater openness and their valued support through hard times.  It's definitely been worth fitting into a demanding life.

Wearing your faith

As a conservative Christian who often wears skirts, I get asked a lot of these kinds of questions from strangers: "Are you Mennonite?"  "What church do you go to?"
In fact, one time an older man in Costco asked me this same sequence of questions and I had to tell him more than once that I am not Mennonite and that I attend a nondenominational community church.  He eventually turned away and mumbled something like "I still think you're Mennonite."

I left the situation laughing and thinking "I'm pretty sure I would know!"

Against popular opinion, skirts don't prevent adventure

Anyone wearing a skirt/dress of any length worth mentioning is bound to get asked these questions at some point, so I suggest letting it contribute comedy rather than offense.  (It really is a lot more fun that way!)

The world (let alone the Christian world) holds many different perspectives on modesty.  A lot of people assume that traditionally-known conservative dress is the same as "frumpy" and "unfashionable."  I don't know about you, but being classified under these labels does not really appeal to me.  My desire to dress modestly is equaled by a desire to appear professional and to prove that style and modesty can come together.
I absolutely do think that being mindful of style is appropriate and valuable.  As Christians, we've agreed to turn our bodies into God's temple.  The physical temple building in the Bible is never described as dingy, careless, or unattractive, and I don't think God wants us to be that way either.

What does it mean to dress modestly?  Does it matter?

I actually had no intention of ever blogging on this topic.  It's scary.  It's controversial.  It feels judgmental.  But I've noticed a trend among the modesty topic; this trend approaches modesty with the idea that (1) skirts are the answer to the modesty question and (2) here are all the Bible verses that should convince you.  While I think there is some validity and logic in both of those approaches, I don't think this always communicates well because it can come across as condemning.  Although I wear skirts most of the time, I am not the person who is going to suggest taking all your pants to Goodwill and replacing them with a closet full of skirts. (I wear pants on occasion and find them rather comfortable.)  In fact, I'm not even going to use Bible verses addressing modesty to prove how you should dress.  Hopefully thinking about this controversial topic from a different angle will help you practically view your motives and pursuits.

1. The way you dress provides you with an immediate reputation.  Yes, sometimes that reputation is of a Mennonite (or something with similar characteristics), but that's not the reputation I'm talking about.  I mean that the way I dress is an unspoken way of saying "I am a Christian and I take my faith seriously."  And people actually respect that!  They may not always understand it, but I've noticed that I often receive immediate respect simply by the way I dress - even from total strangers in stores.  I can't tell you how many times I have been stopped by a stranger and told, "thank you for dressing the way you do."  People appreciate and notice it more than you realize, and that's my opportunity to wear my faith out loud.  (I believe this can be done with pants as well as skirts.)  So how does your dress affect your reputation?  Does your dress speak of Christ?

2. What attention are you looking for by the way you dress?  Sometimes we don't even think about how our dress is tied to the attention we receive, but it is!  The way we dress can gather 3 types of attention:

• The world's artificial stamp of "you belong" 
• Apparel that comes across as careless, making the Gospel itself unattractive
• A balance between the two that communicates that appearing well-dressed is just as important as that reputation that speaks of Christ.

It is very tempting to want the world's attention and approval.  We want to fit in and be "cool."  But God doesn't tell us, "Go blend in as much as possible!"  His calling is to be different--to not be driven by all the world's fads.  (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15-17)  So I encourage you to take a look at yourself and ask, "Who's attention is most important to me?"

Skirts are not the only answer to dressing modestly!

As you consider the attention that you want to receive from the clothes you choose to wear, remember also that you are accountable to a holy God.  Would you feel comfortable in His presence?  It may seem that God will have bigger things to think about when you meet Him face to face, but I think even this area of life is important to be aware of because it can be closely connected to what your heart motives are.  God's presence is holy, and His calling for us is to walk in His holiness. (1 Peter 1:15, 16)

So I challenge you to think intentionally about the clothes you wear and how they relate to glorifying a worthy God.  And if you already consider your apparel modest, don't have a judgmental attitude toward those with different standards than you.  Follow God's calling in your own life and trust that He will work in each of His children as He sees fit.

"Don't shine so that others see you....shine so that through you, others see HIM."

(For other sources, I highly recommend Growing Up Duggar, which has a lot of great insights about modesty, parenting, and more from a helpful, conservative perspective.)