A Stabilizer in the Storm

This summer I was asking a friend how he felt about some pretty major changes going on in his life, and he said that so many things had changed in the past couple of years that it didn't really matter any more.  

I know exactly what he's talking about.  When life gets interrupted and changed again and again in a short amount of time, you kind of start thinking "plot twist!" and just keep riding with the tide.  Those crazy changes start becoming a very real part of life, and you learn to cope.  That doesn't necessarily mean that change becomes easy; you just learn to handle it differently.  I can shrug it off and rest in the fact that God DOES know about the future, even when I have no clue.  I know that whatever changes are ahead--however major or minor--will lead to new opportunities that couldn't have been there otherwise.  

But no matter how accustomed I may get to change, sometimes I really need something (or someone) in life that is consistent and constant.  I need something that I can depend on to not change and grow distant so that my life still holds some familiarity because too many changes can often be scary.  Yes, I get scared with change, even though I know that God is perfectly in control.  I get nervous that I will lose everything as I knew it before.

Particularly in this college-age time of life, a lot of my relationships are shifting.  Friends are at college, getting married, and preparing for careers.  New doors are opening up for everyone as we each start exploring more long-term goals for life.  The people are changing, too.  God is impressing different lessons on each of us as we take on different commitments and careers.  These are all wonderful things, but they are also difficult things because friendships often begin to grow distanced in more ways than just miles.

But God has graciously placed in my life a few friends who don't let changes of responsibility and opportunity wedge between us.  They are exactly what I need for some stability in these years of goodbyes, moving, and taking on of new roles.  

One of these God-given friends was placed in my life 14 years ago--way before I knew I really needed her for anything more than a simple pen-pal.  Hannah became one of my "favorite hellos and hardest goodbyes" when we first spent time together 2 years ago.  Now she is so much of the dependable stability that I need in a life raging with changes and unkowns.  She knows about the ups and downs of my life, and that doesn't push her away.  We live in different states, but that doesn't force our friendship apart.  God is placing different goals and talents on our lives, but that doesn't prevent us from understanding each other.  I am seriously so blessed.

With college, work, and general life getting in the way, the past year of our friendship had been limited to calls, texts, and letters.  LOTS of each.  I was extra thrilled that Hannah's favorite birthday present (well, my favorite, anyway 😉) was a flight down to Washington for us to be together again.  10 days gave us the chance to celebrate Sukkot together (for the 2nd time), start brainstorming a novel, play in the middle of the road, and catch up on a few things in person.  I didn't even know just how much I needed this until we were reunited.

So...it doesn't matter if you do or don't know what's going on in your friend's life; it doesn't matter if the events, talents, and goals of your lives are totally different; it doesn't even matter if you are states apart!  You can still be the one thing that is always present and supportive with deepening friendship.  If not for yourself, than do it for your friend.  You--just you being you--might be exactly what they need.

Be like Hannah; be a stabilizer in someone else's storm.

Probably our most pathetic Sukkot tent ever...😖

Check out this flawless form!  

That look when a car is coming, but you are paralyzed with fear. 😄

Lets be friends for a little bit longer....like, forever.

Gazing at the Pillar of Fire and releasing our dreams

As a kid I dreamed a lot about what my future would be like.  Everything played out perfectly.  Well, I added in some bumps along the way for effect, but they were resolved and I was still a hero.  

Whether consciously or subconsciously, we often think that life will play out the way we imagined it as kids.  We will smile satisfactorily into each sunset as the sky's colors speak our joy because life is so abundant.  We will jump up every morning with eagerness for another amazing day doing what we love with the people that we love.  We will live in the house of our dreams with all our Pinterest-inspired decorations.

My plans didn't include spending a whole lot of time waiting.  

I don't think most of us do "schedule in" that waiting that is bound to happen.  We expect to coast ahead with a life of open doors and opportunities.  Then we are surprised when God pushes on the brakes, completely removes our control, and says "do you trust Me on this one?"  

Life is so full of decisions, so full of unanticipated turns, so full of moments where we have to say "God, what exactly do you have in mind from here??"  We have probably all been in a position of uneasy waiting on God's answer to something...and if you haven't been there, I can promise you it's looming in your future!  Maybe it's for a job, for housing, for college, for ministry...there is an endless list of ways that God blocks our vision and forces a season of waiting on us.  And sometimes it's more than a season.  Sometimes we wait and wait and wait as season after season goes by.  The leaves start budding on each tree branch and then those same leaves are on the ground getting covered by snow, but you're still asking God to make the waiting stop.  

I know what that is like.  I've waited for God's answers to family health issues, for decisions regarding college, and for housing.  I know that God still sees my resistance to these times of waiting because He is putting me through yet another test where I don't know the timeline.  For the 3rd time in 8 years my family and I have had to quickly and unexpectedly move with only temporary living options available.  It's exhausting.  I'm so prone to complaining about the unknowns and all the stuff in storage that I miss accessing.  I'm sick of boxing everything up and replanting one more time.  I'm tired of watching my life expectations fail again and again.  

We all experience this at one time or another.  We begin to feel alone and deserted...like the waiting will never stop.  Yes, often times it feels scary and dark!  When the Israelites were waiting -- "wandering" -- for 40 whole years, I bet they felt scared and oppressed, too.  I took another look at their journey this week, and I imagine they were outright frustrated and completely done with waiting.  They waited on all kinds of things, even down to the daily provision of food and water.  To them, their slavery in Egypt felt better than this waiting, this miserable unknown.  That sounds crazy.  Did they really forget what that slavery was like?  But we actually tend to feel the same.  The waiting God sets in our lives feels so passive and disruptive to any forward motion.  We would rather be in "slavery" than experience this wilderness.

The Bible speaks of Abraham ("he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8b) as being filled with faith as he relied on God's leading; the Israelites also waited moment by moment on God, and they picked up and went when God revealed the next step.  For the Israelites, they were gazing on that Pillar of Fire.  We, God's people today, can learn to do the same, whether we're waiting for days, months, or years.  Of course we don't have a physical pillar of fire sitting in front of us, but the concept is the same.  He is still leading us through the night just like He did in the Old Testament.  

It doesn't matter if you're waiting on housing, healing, decisions, or a job; the Pillar of Fire is always there for you.  It is blazing your trail, which will not look quite like anyone else's.  You are part of a great adventure that you can rest in because you are being led by the One who loves you most, and He is holding you through this night.  And this waiting is for a purpose; it stretches, teaches, and broadens out to a better place.  Can we trust that His prepared story for us is even better than the dream we created as kids?

There, in the distance--a pillar of fire
Rumbling like thunder in a dream
It roars among the pines along the lines
Of the great Mississippi

It scatters all the cattle, and it rattles the leaves
It skids across the prairie by the moon
It sings like a choir, this pillar of fire
And the name of God is the burning tune

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Upward, onward, homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, lead me through the night,
Pillar of Fire

On through the passes of the mountains it goes
As bouldered and broken as my heart
I shiver and cry and I watch as it winds
To the deepest and the darkest parts

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Now upward, onward, now homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, hold me through the night,
Pillar of Fire
Where, Oh Lord, are you leading?
I can get so scared in the night
My feet are cut and bleeding
With every step I feel less alive

Oh, but Pillar of Fire, you blazed this trail
You've been there every step along the road
From a barn in Bethlehem to Hell and back again
You blazed the trail that leads me home

I can see it whirling, swirling,
Spinning all around
Now upward, onward, now homeward bound
Oh, Jesus, hold me through the night,
Pillar of Fire

On to the ocean I follow it down
Where it sizzles and boils in the waves along the sound
Oh, Jesus, lead me to your shore
Pillar of Fire

Making the most of NOW

(For any of you who may have had trouble with the follow by email subscription, it should be working now!)

As I sit and stare at the perfect little details of my new twin niece and nephew, I want to hang on to this tiny little stage forever.  I think about how soon they will be crawling after each other, then how they will be chasing their siblings and cousins, and the fact that far too soon they will be teenagers doing the kind of math that makes me cry.  😃  Too soon they will no longer be babies passed around for squishes and cuddles.

My 6 year old nephew sits and stares with me, admiring his newest brother and sister.  He wants to know what he was like as a baby.  "Was I this small?"  "Did you know me when I was a baby?"  He's suddenly 6 years old, but I remember the grey footie pajamas with green stars that he wore when I held him for the first time.  "Was I cute like this, too?"  I tell him he was the cutest, sweetest thing...just like he is now.  He laughs because he doesn't believe a 6 year old can be as cute as a baby.  But he is.

All of "my babies"--even these newborn twins--are changing and growing too quickly.  I can't take it all in fast enough.  I forget that I have to treasure every. single. moment. with these kids.
We all play roles of aunts, uncles, parents, teachers, or nannies.  God places children and adults in each other's lives because we both learn from each other.  The sad thing is that we, as adults, allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with the struggles and negatives, or we just plain forget that they grow up too fast for us to turn to procrastinating.  We tend to think "later will be a better time to start disciplining, to start teaching, to start loving better" and "I will probably be better prepared and more capable at another time."  Really, the best time to start is now.  It doesn't matter how incompetent we feel because as we commit to loving them better, we will become more and more sufficient.

Whatever your role may be in a child's life, don't forget to maximize your time NOW in showering that relationship with love, fun, and purposeful instruction.  Sure, kids need corrected and disciplined for wrong behavior, but they also need approval, reminders of their worth, and "just because" smiles.  They need adults who are gentle balancers and encouraging fans.

Well, the first month of life for "my twins" has already screamed past.  I like to think they are as in love with me as I am with them.  After 3 years without a new addition to my tribe, these twins give me all the first-time auntie feels again.  (also looking forward to meeting #16, arriving any day!)  I am so excited for the privilege of watching them grow up and let me be one of their favorite supporters. 👣

"Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her."

 

Aunties enjoying snuggle time and admiring tiny babies

Grandma and a family of 5!

     

What about ME? : putting life back into perspective

At the beginning of my freshman year at Bob Jones University around this time last fall, one of the least expected adjustments was the abundance of churches.  With churches on nearly every street corner, I was--for the first time--given a choice in where to attend.  By the time a month had passed, I was already tired of church shopping and finally settled on a church where the sermons seemed to be directed right at a place in my life that needed attention every time I visited.

Convicting sermons that "hit the spot" aren't quite as easy to take as my mom's meals that also "hit the spot," though.  The phrase is the same, but the hit is very different.  A sermon that speaks conviction into my life is one of my favorite things because it points directly at a specific place that requires action and reminds me to open construction on that area.  This kind of sermon is also my least favorite because it proves that I have a lot of personal work to do, and that is always a struggle.

One such of these sermons was given at my church of choice when I most needed it (but least wanted to expend energy on repairs).  On the Sunday that the congregation opened hundreds of Bibles to Philippians 2:14, I knew this verse wasn't just for quoting to kids with bad attitudes.  It's not just to prove your child is a sinner.  It's for me.
"Do all things without murmuring and disputing [complaining, arguing]."  Every time I come upon this verse, I kind of like to slide right through it without stopping too long.  Guilty thoughts of "yes, I know, I know!" and "yeah right" and "is that even vaguely possible?" start racing through my head before I can even finish reading the 7 word verse, making excuses for when I fail to live it out.  Of course not complaining is wise and ideal, but does God have any idea how hard it is to turn that verse into a lifestyle in this sinful world?

The reality is that Philippians 2:14 is just as important as it is simple.  In that morning's sermon, "complaining" was explained as telling God that we deserve better and/or more out of life.  Something about that definition has caused me to pause a little longer and dig in a little deeper.  I've begun preaching to myself the depth of this definition so that it sinks into every part of who I am.
In my own life, complaining has become a habit.  Habits are like splinters.  The longer they stay, the deeper they go and the harder they are to get out again.

Our world--and maybe particularly Americans--are so in-shape when it comes to telling our Creator that life isn't quite good enough for us.  Much of what we do and say communicates the idea that the world must revolve around "me" for happiness.  We spend more time talking and thinking about the fact that the job doesn't pay enough, chocolate is too expensive, the mattress isn't comfortable enough (or it's too cushy!), I don't have Billy's talent, my toast is a little overdone, the neighbors are too loud, a different game would've been more fun, life hasn't gone as planned, and the weather isn't just right instead of talking about all the ways we live over-abundant lives, constantly surrounded by more than we need for life.

I tell God that I deserve better in every-day ways like complaining about a breakfast that didn't quite agree with my taste-buds, a restless night, my "need" for ice cream, lack of time to accomplish everything, and cold feet.  And sometimes I'm more pointed, like telling God that my life isn't fair and that I didn't ask for this.

But when I stop thinking about myself and look around, I see people hurting so much more than I am and start wondering why God was compelled to bless me above and beyond what I deserve.

The truth is that there are people out there in perpetual physical pain that is extremely restraining; there are people rejected by their families, desperately needing hope and healing; there are people and whole villages who don't have access to clean water to quench exhausting thirst; people who have watched their whole families face persecution and death in nightmarish ways; people who have to flee and start over on life in somewhere they don't want to call home; people who have never experienced the meaning of family, love, or grace where the real freedom is.

I think Philippians 2:14 is getting at the idea that our complaints cause Jesus to feel shredded up.  When I speak of not wanting to go to work instead of being thankful for a wonderful job, when I communicate envy over what someone else has or experiences instead of expressing gratitude for what I do have, when I argue that my opponent isn't playing by MY rules or pick apart the details instead of finding the fun in what is, I think God senses that His sacrifice didn't mean enough for me.

The question is this: Why do we choose a lifestyle that communicates dissatisfaction for life and God?
Let's stop adjusting the focus onto ourselves.  Let's turn the lens outward and upward.  Stop the self-pity, stop outlining what could be better, and start seeing what is.
Thankfulness leads to contentment, contentment leads to joy, and joy leads to real life.  Let's become people who are amazed at everything God has chosen to pour into our lives and tell Him that anything is good enough as long as we can still have Him.