Dear Dad...

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.  For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." 2 Corinthians 4: 16-5:1

These verses will always remind me of Dad, as in these last 2 years his outward man was perishing so quickly, but the inward was growing daily deeper.

Dad, remember these brownies
we made for your birthday last year?
I think it was the only way we celebrated!

Dear Daddy,

There aren't really words to say, only many tears to be had.  But today is your birthday, and I couldn't get away with no birthday letter...

I don't really know where to begin.  You've only been gone for 4 months, and it feels like forever. I remember the times I stood by my once-strong-Dad, holding your hand to support you as you walked, begging God to keep giving me more days with you.  And right now I'd be content to have those days of frightening unknown again, just to have you here with me.

 Tonight I could still, so faintly replaying in my mind, hear your voice over the phone on your last day of pain.  When I, having been away for a couple of days, heard you on the phone, I was once again shocked at the weakness of your voice as I heard you say, for the last time, how you missed me and loved me. And all I wanted was to be by you, hanging on to every last moment.

But today I cry alone, not leaning on you, pleading to make another memory together--not knowing that I was in that very moment.  

So here I come to a close (I know, it's short), but really I just need you to know that I love and miss you so very much.  There are many times I wonder why I can't still have you--why I have to learn so soon to live without you.  I tell God that I don't know if I can keep persevering, but "for when I am weak, then I am strong." I must be getting awfully strong lately!  :)  

Tears are all I have to tell you how much you are missed and loved, and if I could give more I would.  I am so proud to have you as my dad.

Loving you always,

your Mercy