When failing...be kind to yourself

January 1, 2019
I'd like to make note that I have mastered how to effectively establish yearly goals. I'm just going to have to perfect my goal setting strategies this year. Happy New Year, Self!

Yeah, I can change my lifestyle in this area...and this one and this one.  I'm going to be an amazing, well-rounded person by the end of the year with goals like these!

April 3, 2019
I'd like to make note that I have failed every single one of my 2019 goals...with ongoing consistent failure for the past several weeks.  

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Hi, guys!  So I've been absent for awhile, which was actually a direct violation of one of my goals for this year, but I'm back...and maybe I'll stay. 😉

Just like most everyone else, I fail more than half of my well-meaning goals within a few months (at the longest) and then realize it's gonna be another bleak year without focused personal growth.  Well, now it's September.  I've had enough time in 2019 to see the pattern repeating once again.  I've failed every goal I made as well as every goal I was too scared to make "official."

Whether with goals or with something else, I tend to take failure pretty seriously.  For a long time failure has led to conclusions like "you're not good enough," "stop trying," and "being a failure is your theme song." But I'm learning to be ok with failure because it can be so healthy for the journey of becoming a better person.  This year, when I saw my goals all make a quick dive for the worse, I decided that I wanted failure to teach me different lessons...lessons like

• Maybe God wants my goals to be different than the ones I initially make
• Adapting to my mental/emotional/physical needs as they change throughout the year rather than forcing myself to stick with an old plan is ok
• Finding grace for myself is an absolute necessity.

For many years I have had a couple of special friends frequently speak GRACE into my life.  As a very goal-oriented, organized person, it can be really hard for me to let go of expectations...especially when it comes to expectations of myself.  And because I don't have grace for myself to make mistakes and fail, it then becomes difficult for me to accept God's grace for those same mistakes and failures.  I waste a lot of time in life fighting an enemy that I need to learn to love: myself.

So while all of my other goals for 2019 are withering away, I am trying to adopt one of God's goals for me: learning to be kind to myself.  And I'm grateful that God loves me just the way that I am.  Wow.  A reality more beautiful than clear lakes and rising mountaintops, more beautiful than color-swept skies at sunset is that a perfect God loves ME just the way that I am.


You got all that emotion that's heaving like an ocean
And you're drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

I know it's hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can't believe your Father knows best

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He's shaping your heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

How does it end when the war that you're in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

You can't expect to be perfect
It's a fight you've gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too
- Andrew Peterson, Be Kind To Yourself